" 'Oh Sh!t.' I know what that means!"

My friend, who died in December, he was my driver/partner at my old job in Arizona. I was a Service Tech for an electronics company. We drove around the tri-state area picking up t.v.s for our company's repairman to fix. Unless it was something simple, in which case I'd handle it on-site. Nothing special on my part, just intermediate repairs anyone could do if they cared to try. Only difference is that if YOU crack open your t.v., your warranty is null and void. If I did it was $50-$95 an hour.

We had nick-names we gave ourselves on the job. My partner's was SandSurfer. That's a story for some other day perhaps. My name ended up as Diamond-Cutter. Again, another time. This tale is about my original nick-name in the truck: "Trickle."

We had a Maintenance call on an old RCA big-screen. Sand-Surfer and I called RCAs ORCAs, like the killer-whales because RCAs are so lousy. No, I can't be sued for that statement, I was working on RCAs prior to and during the class-action lawsuit against RCA concerning the universally defective SSB board. Anyway, we get to the client's home. It's this old couple. Reminded me of my grandparents: the old man was passive and hospitable, the old lady was as bitter as piss. And that was BEFORE I screwed up.

Thankfully we were in town that day and not Nevada or California. That way we didn't have far to lug the t.v. I think it was around a 55 incher. Old triple CRT rear-projection set-up from the mid-80s.


On a maintenance call, I had to dismantle the major parts of the t.v. and clean the interior screen, the mirror, the lenses, and under the lenses if dust was there and was accessible. Typically the rule was that if the lenses had cross-head screws you could clean under them. If they had hex-screws, you left them alone. Or lugged the unit into the shop for the certified repair-tech to handle. As if RCA didn't suck bad enough though, this unit had good ol' flat-head screws. What's that mean?

Well, unfortunately I assumed that it meant that I could clean under the lenses. And I thought that I wanted to, too, because it looked all nasty in the tubes. I was still pretty new to the job as I recall and didn't know that a lot of times what appears to be dust is actually algae. Yeah, algae! Apparently ethyl-glycol isn't SO toxic that it won't support some life if kept at the right temperature. Basically, ethyl-glycol is antifreeze. Cooler than that is that not only does it keep the cathode-ray-tubes cool but it's one of the few liquids that won't diffuse light as it passes through. That's why the old rear-projection big-screens have their three tubes filled with the stuff. And why some tubes shouldn't be opened in homes. However, not all companies had sealed tubes involving a secondary, removable lens.

So as I crack the lens off the tube after safely removing the screws, out dumps all this fluid. Spilling over my hand and onto the mainboard. Oh, did I mention that the fluid is VERY conductive of electricity? No? Well, not only did I neglect to remember that, but also that my standard procedure did not involve unplugging the set. Dangerous, I know, but it usually saved me from having to reprogram the custom settings into most (albeit newer model) televisions. So, I feel and see this fluid spill out ALL over the boards and immediately after smell the burning ozone that confirmed my worst fears. An average mainboard ran from$500 to $1000 if my memory serves right. I'm not even there to fix this thing, I'm only there to clean it as per warranty-contract, and I've DESTROYED it! Of course I don't play it COMPLETELY cool, I utter to my comrade: "Oh shit..." He, wide-eyed, responds: "Does that mean what I think it means?" And from the living-room couch, because people LOVE watching their t.v.s--especially if they're dismantled and being cleaned-- from the couch this old cantankerous broad screeches: " 'Oh shit.' I know what 'Oh shit' means!"

What it meant was that we had to replace everything but the trim on that old t.v. And that Sand-Surfer always rode my ass about it. "Are you sure you want your screwdriver? You REALLY sure you wanna do that, huh--Trickle?"