Black Cat

We have two cats. One black, the other white with a few large black spots. The black one, "Nick", was a wedding gift from my sister. He's mine, I like him. He's not shy with guests. He acts like a hunter, although he's really not. And best of all, he likes to be pet rough, like a dog. He doesn't like snuggles or being picked up, held, cradled. Unfortunately, the only displays of dominance he puts on is scratching the furniture and sitting on his "throne" above the throne. The bathroom window that his compadre can't figure out how to jump up to.

The white one, "Zach", (I hope you don't think these are their actual names/nicknames...) is quite a bully to Nick. He chases him, cleans him, beats him up, pushes him aside at the food dishes, scares him off the couch and steals his warm spot. He also scratches ONLY the scratching post, cuddles my wife better than I do, and knows that it is HIS job to wake her up in the morning.

We often joke that Zach always eats and never craps. And that Nick always drinks and is a poop factory. Seriously. We never see Zach use the litter box or the water, unlike Nick. But, also unlike Nick, Zach is always demanding to eat. "NOW!" he screams whenever you get within ten feet of his food bowl.

So it came as something of a surprise when Nick had to go to the emergency vet at midnight (we got home late from Urso and Luna's), because he has, we were later informed, FLUTD. That's Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disease. Disease. In other words, it's chronic. The couple hundred dollars we spent to get him better is to be a recurring event. How'd this come to be? Apparently, dry cat food is only to be used as a supplement. A snack for cats, if you will. They, being solely carnivorous, can't process all those carbs. But why Nick? He hardly ever eats and drinks plenty of water. If anything, Zach should have FLUTD, not Nick. Not that I'd wish that on cute little Zach. But it would have been better.

My wife all but hates Nick. He doesn't cuddle, he doesn't accept her affection (only mine :) ), he scratches the furniture, and whenever a stench comes from the litter box, he has just come from the litter box. She's not exactly comfortable with the prospect of spending small fortunes on a cat she'd rather give away to her aunt.

And, to label this as a rant, let me tell you about Doctors... I had noticed Nick licking his crotch too often. I mentioned it to Glass. We looked up cat websites. Urinary tract infections are signified by excessive crotch licking, howling in the litter box due to painful peeing, and sometimes blood in the urine.

Not long after this research, he started to cry when he peed. We decided to track down a vet. What the hell! Everywhere you go for ANY kind of treatment (for any creature, human or otherwise) has a "new patient fee". I think it's a bullshit fee. I paid one last year to my dentist, and doctor. This year, I've paid one to my eye doctor and...THE FREAKING VET! The receptionist, upon hearing our reason for appointment told us to bring in a urine sample. What? A urine sample? What, am I to ask my cat to piss in a cup? She responded that we could bring it in clump form. Alright, whatever.

Before his appointment came to pass, though, we came home late one night to find blood spots leading form the litter box. Damn. I swapped the litter while my wife called the vet's listed after-hours emergency number. They insisted that it was a bona fide emergency and that we should bring him in immediately. By the way, it's $100 just to have the Doctor take a look. Plus any fees for any treatment. Oh, and there might be a slight wait to see the doctor demanding on the urgency of the cases at hand. Holy shit! Is this the vet we're talking to?

We wait for Nick to pass fluid, scoop it into a GLAD tupperware, scoop him into the carrier and haul ass. Thankfully, he was considered urgent, so there was no real waiting time. After a bit, the Doc calls us in. He's not real sure what the problem is. He can give an empirical diagnosis, or run some tests. How about the sample? No dice. It's a dirty sample. Dirty? It can't be tested for crystal composition because of the litter. (Here comes a pisser) He could have gotten the sample there. He could try again, but maybe the cat has no pee to pee. He could do an ultrasound--or some scan-- of his kidneys to see if he does have any pee to pee tonight, for a sample. Unless we want him admitted. A scan. Of a cat's bladder. To see if he needs to piss. For a sample. Another sample. Because the one the receptionist at the regular vet (this is the Animal Hospital we're at, by the way) told us about was WRONG!

We opted for an empirical diagnosis. Nick was given a fluid injection under the skin, to help hydrate him. 'Cause, you know, if the giant clump of piss we brought in is any indicator, he's dehydrated. The injection cost? The fluid: $7. Cost to give any injection: $25. And let's not forget the pain pills and antibiotic serum, week's supply. As we going over our estimate, thank god my wife insisted on before treatment, we noticed another shot. Please recall, any injection: $25. This particular fluid: $30. What is it? A painkiller. How long does it last? Just for tonight. Aren't his pills painkillers? Yes, but... NO THANK YOU. We'll start him on his pills tonight. Only his serum must be taken with food.

At least we saved $60. Small victory. We locked Nick in the bathroom, with all his amenities for the week, to avoid bloodstains or uncontrolled urinating. To my dismay, Zach didn't miss him. my biggest argument in keeping Nick is that his friend Zach would be devastated by his loss. WRONG. How did Nick fare? He seems fine, now. Save for the hole he tore in the couch his first day out of "The Hole." Bah!